I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
