Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
