we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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