quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
