Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Are my feet made of real feet?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
