Swine flu. Run for my life!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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