Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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