my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
