just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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