i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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