I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
