I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
