Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
