You made me cry and you don't even care
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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