Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
