He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
