is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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