New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
