This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
