No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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