just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Drake has all the answers
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
