you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
