I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
