Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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