I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
