Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
