my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
