Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
