Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this boner is exhausting
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
