my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
