Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
