It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
