He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
