I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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