OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
