I am puke
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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