the condom got lost in my hair
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
