Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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