I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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