Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
