you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
