I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
