My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
