Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
