just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
