You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
