ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
