**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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