two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize