Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Randomize
