Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize