okay pat passed out under dana's car
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
