Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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