this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
