another moral hangover. fuck.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
