i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How naked do you want me to be?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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