3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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