Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
