I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
