Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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