you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
