i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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