New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
