I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize