I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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