Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
