we're blogging at a bar
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
