Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
