Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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