You work out of a Hotel?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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